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“Sometimes you want to say, “I love you, but…”
Yet the “but” takes away the ‘I love you’. In love their are no ‘buts’ or ‘if’s’ or ‘when’. It’s just there, and always. No beginning, no end. It’s the condition-less state of the heart. Not a feeling that comes and goes at the whim of the emotions. It is there in our heart, a part of our heart…eventually grafting itself into each limb and cell of our bodies. Love changes our brain, the way we move and talk. Love lives in our spirit and graces us with its presence each day, until death.

To say “I love you, but….” is to say, “I did not love you at all”.

I say this to you now: I love you, with no beginning, no end. I love you as you have become an extra necessary organ in my body. I love you as only a girl could love a boy. Without fear. Without expectations. Wanting nothing in return, except that you allow me to keep you here in my heart, that I may always know your strength, your eyes, and your spirit that gave me freedom and let me fly.”
― 
Coco J. Ginger

 

Good day beautiful people,

First of all I would like to thank you all for your DMs with things that I should fix or the way of telling my story 😀

I really liked one idea and I would like to try this, and who knows maybe one day ill continue writing like this. So the idea was to write it in a character, and I agreed, it looks like it would be more interesting for the readers sooo this is how Sally was made 😀

And this will be a story of how Sally wanted a true love but she never found one in anyone, either she would be cheated on or it just didn’t work out.

So lets start with the story:

 

One day Sally didn’t have anything to do that day so she decided to go in the gaming center. She played games all night with her friend that invited another person to join them. The conversation between Sally and that guy was amazing, she didn’t stop talking with him that night. They continued talking later when she was coming home as well. He acted like a real gentleman and kind. They continued to talk and talk everyday more and more. She really liked this guy, he was handsome too. The guy liked her as well and after few weeks of talking they decided to get together. But Sally wouldn’t be Sally if there wasn’t any problems. He was far away, he lived in a land far far away called Germania. She was kinda scared in the beginnig to be honest, but she still went with it. They were talking all day and when it was time to sleep they would leave the call on so that when one person wakes up he/she can wake up the other one, or just to listen our heavy breathing in the phone while they were sleeping. For her it was magical experience. She couldn’t wait to see him, and one day they saw each other. It was love on first sight, but when she came to wait for him at the airport she heard police saying that there is a terrorist in a flight that is coming soon and she was really scared, she didn’t have time to react on him because she wanted to get out as possible. She grabbed him by the hand and showed the way out. They got out safe and lighted a cigarette before the bus comes, that whole thing made everything a bit awkward for the first kiss, so we decided to wait a perfect time she thought. Two days together in a hostel and Sally and the guy still didn’t kiss, for her it was a bit strange but she just went with it. Later on that day they went out with Sallys friends. Wonderful time that was. They all played truth or dare, such great challenges there were. And then, her friend challenged her to kiss him in front of them. They didn’t know that its going to be theres first kiss ever. But it really helped to push things out a little bit further. So from that day on, they had the best time ever, they went on sushi, played games whenever they wanted, loved each other whenever they could. Sadly the time passed by and he had to go. They were sad, she even cried at the airport and on the way back. He went home really fast, she felt like she didn’t gave him enough hugs or kisses, but that was too late. He came home and she was waiting for him patiently. Everything was the way it should be. Until the talk about who would live where came up and he needed to work for military so she wouldn’t talk with him that much. They both broke up with each other on agreement. They both saw that they don’t see each other in another state and it was really hard for her when she heard that he will work for military. Sally is still to this day disappointed sometimes, but they took it like adults and it was nice from both sides, because they are both mature enough to talk it out.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Always be honest to each other, never leave words unsaid. If you want to kiss someone, do it. So you wont regret it by not doing it later.

Try to be mature in a relationship, always communicate, its not fun when you see a problem in it and ignore it, sooner or later the glass will get overfilled  with water and then its too late.

Fact: A normal person in 21 century can text one sentence in 30 sec or less, if that makes other person happy then do it. Text him / her whenever you can. You will avoid explanations and all that “sorry / I couldn’t text you I was busy” stuff that no one likes to hear.

I am actually really glad that im still in good terms with this person and I hope that he will find a person one day that would like to share his world with him, but I couldn’t and I am very sorry for that and im happy that he understands cause he feels the same way about mine life.

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Second story is about my ex best friend, and its very short actually. We realized that we see each other more as a brother and sister and not boyfriend and girlfriend.

Sally was always there for him, she helped him to get over his break ups, family problems and even with jobs. He was always here somewhere for her as well. After one bad break up from him they decided to meet. So they did. They talked about it few hours, what he did wrong and what his ex did, and if its possible to fix it. He was devastated and said that he doesn’t want her anymore. Sally agreed that it was a toxic relationship for both of them. The talk went on and on for few hours, they were talking what they would like to have in a partner and realized that they are looking for same things so they wanted to give it a try. She gave everything she could so that it actually grows in something. But he didn’t, he responded on messages once or twice a day, could never talk with her on the phone and she got a bit depressed but she kept going, she still tried. After a week he sent her a text saying that he doesn’t see her as girlfriend but more as a sister, she was little sad about it but she knew that he will say that. So she just agreed on his decision. After all that what happened between them they decided to see each other to hang out and get drinks. Surprise surprise, imagine what happened next. He kissed her after all that what he said before. She was surprised and asked “What was this?”, he just said “Shhh” and continued to kiss her. It got dark and it was time to go home. So they did. While she was in the bus to home she got the same message from him and saying that it wont happen again and she told him that she figured it out, and that she will slap him if that ever happens again. After that they stopped talking much, not besties, just familiar faces that say “Hey” when they see each other. Sally is not upset about it, at least she knows that she will continue her search after that “Mr. Right” for her.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Friendzone doesn’t exist you make it yourself. Its your mind telling you “You can find better than that, but he is nice to talk and hang out with so keep him next to you”. But if you like that person then, I think, that you should talk with that person. You wont lose anything with honesty, you will just gain a life partner or realize that the person is just not that into you like you are in him / her. The best you can gain is theres true emotions and that’s what you are going for.

Thank you all for support, it means a lot to me.

I think that I wont post few days because I need to go on vacation and Im not bringing anything but my phone with me.

I need to relax, I deserved it. And so did you.

So sip yourself a glass of your favorite drink and enjoy the rest of the day / night! ❤

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MY LOVE EXPERIENCE:

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I know that, as a bisexual, sometimes people who are gay or lesbian look down upon the bisexual community as well and assume that people who are bisexual just don’t know what they want or are just playing both sides of the fence, and that’s not the case, either. Crystal Bowersox

So these two storys wont be any regular ones, this is my first live experience with two girls. So if you don’t like that, I would suggest to close your eyes haha

I always knew that I like both genders but I never had a chance of meeting a girl with same point of view on girls. Until now

After everything that happened to my love life I decided to make a pause, small one. I was hanging out with friends every Friday, going to school, played videogames. It was a good time. One day my friend invited me to her local gaming center with her and a friend and I accepted. We met later on that day and she came with a girl that was really friendly and kind person. That was my future ex girlfriend. She was cool, loved everything I did, on the first look it looked like everything was perfect and that I finally found what I was looking for all my life. We dated for 3 weeks, it was normal, we were trying to get to know each other more, what the other person likes and doesn’t, we were going a bit fast but it was a nice feeling, we really liked each other. Well I did, she had a different view on world. Here, not much people accept lesbians / gays / trans people. And gay marriages are forbidden still. And if a guy is gay, he will probably end up getting beaten up at one point in his life. People here are little bit close minded, its still a taboo. That problem in our country scared her a lot, and when we were in a club one night and a guy bought her a drink she went with him, I talked with her about it, she was afraid of judgement, from her friends and family, no matter what I said she didn’t believe in it. So she decided that it was best for us to part our ways and I agreed. I couldn’t do much about it, its her life and im not going to say anything about it, I can give advice but how she is going to live her life I cant say much. Her life, her mistakes. We don’t talk anymore at all, neither do I talk with that friend that met us. I kinda just stopped saying “Hey” first and she never said anything from then… I don’t miss them, but I wish them all best.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Sometimes its hard to deal with your surrounding but then again you need to remember, there is one life, and you choose how you will live it. Will you always listen to other people and hide your love to someone cause its taboo, or you will love that one person to the rest of your life. You shouldn’t pay much attention to what other people say, its your life, not theres, they cant tell you how to live your life. And people will always judge, that’s life right there for you, everyone has opinions, and you need to learn how to accept them but do what you think that its best for you. Its your life, your mistakes.

I can only imagine how sad I would feel if I am with a person that loves and respects me and I cant return it back because my love of my life is a girl and I cant be with her. Sometimes I ask myself why are we all so judgemental, it never comes with anything good. Like, for instance, first thing that pops up in our head when we meet a person is judgement, good or bad. Its always there. Why cant we wait a little to meet that person and then judge. Judgement is in our blood and we cant just shake it off like its nothing.

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I think people feel threatened by homosexuality. The problem isn’t about gay people, the problem is about the attitude towards gay people. People think that all gays are Hannibal Lecters. But gay people are sons and daughters, politicians and doctors, heroes and daughters of heroes. Hollis Stacy

So, the other girl that I was in a relationship with actually cheated on me with a guy. That “Im a lesbian” that she said was a lie. All she wanted from me was to experience something different. To explore different things in life so that she can later tell that to her friends. I mean Im not doing that im doing something much worse haha, but for the sake of teaching people what kind of people exist, im so happy for all the people that found theres true love from the first shoot, I couldnt do it. I guess I had a bad judgement. And yes, in some way I am telling this to all my friends cause they reed this as well (HEY GUYS, LOOK AT ME EMBERISING NUMBERS OF GUYS / GIRLS THAT I CALL EXPERIENCE LOL). But for real now, I hoped that this stories that I had can help you in life when you need to choose your partner. Some relationships maybe look healthy at first but when you look at them closely they are not….. So lets get back to the girl numero dos, I can tell you again what I said about the first one, what I actually said about everyone. But I will stop sugar coating everything. Yes, she was fine lookin gal, but she had her flaws like everyone. In the end we are all humans. And in the beginning of the relationship she was asking me to go everyday out with her and her friends, she would kiss me everywhere and anywhere, she was total opposite from the last girlfriend. Few weeks forward our mutual friend called us separately to a party at a club and at that time he didn’t know that we were together. I asked her if she is coming to the party but she said that she felt bad and that she will stay at the house. I told her that I will come at her house, we will watch movies and just hang out but she declined by saying that she will sleep. I said that I will stay at home then, I was bit sad then. That’s when that friend called me and made a peer pressure on me to come, and I did. As soon as I came in I saw her kissing another guy and my friend was there too, he saw me going in and then out of the club. He came after me and then we talked, I told him what happened and then went home. Later on tomorrow I get a text form her that I was a bitch and that she just used me to get some guys that were rich…… So yeah, that was it from her, I didn’t even bother to respond, I just blocked her and moved on with life.

 MORAL OF THE STORY:

There are some really bad people in this world I guess haha, they will use your reputation to get themselves high and to put yourself down. I guess that there is not a big moral of the story tho, just to take care. Its best if you have only few trustworthy friends, and then the rest just keep close. That is what I am doing as well.

This is becoming a really sad story, don’t you feel that? I think I am at the above average number of persons I dated even if I didn’t want more then half of those things that happened to me. But I am grateful for the experience that I have.

 

 

BTW: I am so sorry that I was absent these few days, I was doing something else with my family and also I had to do something for my job. Hopefully I will be posting every second day these stories, and when I finish with them I will post one story about myself and my family (its very sad) and then other stories and advices that I learned and experienced. Thank you everyone, this blog helps me get some things off my chest as well and that is a major thing for me. I hope that you will have a good day / night ❤

LOVE EXPERIENCE pt 3

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

Or does it?

 

This is a series post about things I learned in relationships, how you should act and what types of people aren’t good for a healthy relationship.

I already made 2 parts about it, and if you want to see it feel free! 🙂

Does this story gives you a “How I met your mother” vibe?

But lets face it, mine is probably a lot shorter because I don’t want to talk about every day that I spent with those people haha

 

Cyber boyfriend or just an illusion of a person that is right for me :

So my next mistake was actually when a friend of mine introduced me with Hentai facebook group. I was a huge weeaboo few years ago. The group was ment for people to post different kind of anime pics, and I did that as well. That’s were a guy that was (I think) 6/7 years older then me texted me, he was finishing his studies for philosophy and I was still in high school. I must admit, he was really good with his words haha. So we started talking once in a while, and then more and more, whenever we could. His words and the way he talked were very well put together, he knew what he was doing. We were even sexting few times, which was strange for me cause I didn’t know anything about it. The whole conversation very shortly turned into a “50 Shades of gray” story cause we both like that kind of stuff, for me it was always so fascinating im not sure why, maybe im just weird like that haha. After 1,5 months of texting we decided to meet for the first time. I was scared a lot, if its real or if its something that our imagination just did for us. We just went on a coffee, it was only talking, he was acting like a gentleman to me and it was nice to feel like someone wants you for what you are and is not pushing you into something.

But I still felt bad, im not sure why, I didn’t feel like I could live one day with a person like him. There was something that wasn’t drawing me to him when I saw him in real life. I guess that my imagination did something. He was like Mr. Grey, professional and knew what he was doing, his words were like cherries on top of a milkshake, simply delicious. The date was over, we had to say our good byes, I wanted to just hug him because I didn’t see myself in that relationship. He had his hand behind my neck, and slowly pulled my hair down and towards him to kiss me, it was terrible to be honest. We went home, I got a text from him, he wrote me a poem, a poem about his love to me. Maybe I am a bad person, I told him how I was feeling about everything and then I never saw him again. I still to this day wonder what attracted me to him in all those texts and why it was so different. Was my brain messing up with me? What actually happened? Did all that (sex)texting messed up the reality? I shall never know. I just knot that the texting was much different then the real life talking.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY: Well, im not actually sure what is the moral of this story, this was a spontaneous meeting of a person that was everything I ever desired and fantasized over texting, but his nature was too harsh for me, he was acting dominant all the time, and that is a turn on, but only in bed guys 😉 no one wants a bossy person face it.

And, there is time and place for everything, one of free things that we got is time, sometimes its good to go slow and actually meet a person.

SEEKING A HEALER OR A POSSIBLE LOVE:

Hopefully I wont get much judgement on this one. This is the oldest person I was in a relationship with. He and I were around 1,5 months together and there was no reason for the break up. We just one day stopped texting and no one said anything so we just left it on that and never said anything to each other ever again. You are asking what was the age difference? It was 12 or 13 years.

We met in a gaming caffee, we were playing this game called League Of Legends. He was screaming everytime he died in it and I asked him to stop screaming cause they wont hear him through the PC, he laughed at it and that’s were we started to talk, he looked like he was my age but he wasn’t, so I mistook him as a guy around my age, and we started to talk, everything starts with talking can you see the pattern here? Haha maybe that is my problem with finding a true match lol

So back to the story, when I met him that day he broke up with his girlfriend and I was confused cause of the last guy, so I guess it wasn’t actually a real relationship, it was more seeking attention from each other to heal faster I guess, we just talked, and kissed, no sex or anything, it actually helped me to get over every person before, he had a different point of view that helped me a lot to heal, to try to find myself again. And I am happy that ive met him actually cause he told me a lot about relationships, how to act and how to respect my significant other.

Trust in relationships should be like Spongebobs and Patricks trust:

Spongebob ”What if I break your trust one day”

Patrick “Trusting you is my decision, proving me wrong is yours”

So that is the moral of the story as well, if one person breaks your trust, it doesn’t mean that the next one will do that too, I know that it might me though to trust again, but hey, look at me, my experience didn’t break me, it made me much stronger 🙂 and I think that by now I know every type of person out there, and I still believe in love and all.

And who ever said that there is one person for you out there was wrong, there is more then one, you just need to find one of them.

 

I think that this blog is helping me to get some things out of my chest, I always wanted only one boyfriend, only one love and only one everything, but that didn’t happened, I was used and I forgot even how to love on few occasions, but I tried to fix myself, and yes, no one else was there for me, no one will help you when you fall guys, only you can help yourself sadly.

The most important thing that I have learned in my life at my young age was how to pick myself up after everything and anything.

And you should learn how to do it yourself, cause it doesn’t matter how hard you fall but how fast you get up and clean your self up.

The only source of knowledge is experience. -Albert Einstein
So last time I was talking about my first two experiences, and If you want to know what happened in part 1 feel free to check it out cause the second one and the third happened kinda in between haha 🙂

Cause I was feeling bad about what my second boyfriend did to me I tried to escape in the gaming world. There was something in that world that always tried to pull me back in, picking a character, making his/her story and living different type of life. It made me forget about my problems for a bit. Thats where I started to talk with a person that was far away from me, he tried to help me get through it all, and then we tried to make the relationship distance work out and to prove everyone that It can work out. But the problems we had were bigger then us, he couldn’t come where I live (Serbia) and I couldn’t come to him (Germany) cause I had problems with my family and my parents were separating then. He was Muslim, I am Atheist (born Orthodox, Cristian),his parents wanted a Muslim girl or that I get theres religion, and I didn’t want to, I believe in what I believe and no one can take my free will and believes.All those problems got the best of us, he got jealous because I grew up with guys and I was going in a school that had only 3 girls(it was all male school, rarely any girl wants to be a electrical technician haha). Cause his religion forbids these kind of friendships he tried to make me stop talking with my best friends that I knew for 4/5 years then, and I didn’t want to do it, I was in that same situation before and I didn’t want to be in it again. I would never hurt a person by cheating on them, but he didn’t listen. He was afraid that I might go back with my ex as well because he had problems and I tried to help him. He didn’t believe that I just wanted to help a person in need, his jealousy got the best of us and it killed our love that we once had. And one thing that actually made me sadder then was that I actually never got to see him in his eyes during that time we had together, or after that. So I had to just cut it. He writes me occasionally but that’s about it, the jealousy was too much to handle.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Jealousy is good thing in small pieces, just to show your partner that you care about them. Never try to control him/her with who he/she will hang out even if your religion is against boy/girl friendships. Try to meet your significant others friends, get good with them, it will make your relationship more stable and you will get those nice cool points on your side! 😀

Religion is very touchy subject itself, I might talk about it in the future, but not for now. Every person has theres own opinions about everything, I think that if you love someone your religion shouldn’t get in the way, you believe in something, other person as well, and that’s pretty much it. And when you get children, don’t force anything on them, they will grow up and choose in what they will believe, in the mean while you will celebrate everything that you want, it is nice for a kid to celebrate and have a good time with parents. Imagine if only your religion got in that way and you don’t live with a person you love just cause your parents raised you in that religion and you were thought that from the beginning only your believes are right and everyone are wrong…its kinda bad isn’t it?

I believe that everyone should choose what fits for them and theres personality, that’s why you should never force someone to do something against theres will. We are all different, remember that.

 

My third boyfriend was actually a blind date that my then best friend set me up with, sounds crazy haha. And it was, he texted me whenever he could (talk about a girls dream),he played games like me, he loved everything I did. But there was one problem, he was one hour away from me by the bus, that’s why we didn’t see each other that much, he had a job and I didn’t, so I had to respect his time. We were together for a month, he cheated on me and im still confused till this day what happened. He was saying that he loved me and all, we were hanging out 2/3 times a week and then one day he blocked me. After a week that same best friend told me that he cheated on me with a red headed girl (im a red head as well) and I was confused why did she tell me the color of her hair, but I let her be and I didn’t ask anything else about it. I am not talking with him or her anymore and im happy that at least I saw her true colors (and its later on in the stories actually haha)

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Try to get to know the person before you enter in the relationship, maybe they aren’t that sweet like they seem on the first glance. The “friend zone” that everyone keep talking is only set by you and that person, if you see that the feelings are mutual then ask them on a date, don’t be afraid, if its ment to be then its ment to be, and if not, then at least you know and you can move on. If a person cheats on you, don’t think that its your fault, maybe its not, maybe they just aren’t ready to commit to only one person, maybe they thought that you two wont last, maybe they are just idiotic like that haha. But you should feel lucky cause you saw the true colors of that person before it got too late, it will hurt a little, but later on you will laugh at it!

Also, don’t forget that everybodys got time, if not in 10min then in one hour, if they respect you then they will respond even with one “okey” it takes 2 seconds to write that! Before they go to bed they can at least call you to talk with you 5 minutes, it’s the little things that make the relationship don’t forget that 🙂

 

LOVE EXPERIENCE:

Love can make you happier then youve ever been, sadder then youve ever been, angrier than you’ve ever been. It can elate you and deflate you almost at the same time. 

So,i wanted to talk only about my love experience in these next few posts,something i learned about dating life and what i went through and what i learned from them.I always wanted to have only one boyfriend,only one love,but that never happened to me.

I will share 2 storys for today and what i learned from them.

My first ever boyfriend was when i was 15 and emo,i was depressed because everyone of my friends had theres first kiss or they had a relationship and i never had it.I was afraid that kids will tease me cause of it.So i took the first chance i had to have a boyfriend,he was always dressed up as a Nazi and he loved that culture (i know that was wrong but it was the first time that someone actually liked me so just took it).It lasted 1 month,i broke up with him and he broke up with me at the same time,i asked him “where do you see us in 1 year or near future cause i dont see us together” he agreed cause of our differend views on the world,he was drinking\i didnt drink then,he was a player and i didnt like that etc.

MORAL OF THE STORY:never rush into things if you arent sure about it,its not important what other people will say,it only matters what you think,its not theres life its yours so you make the judgement.Everything will come to its place one day,just be patient.

My second boyfriend.I met him in front of a goth party,he had contact lenses on,mask and he was in a growl competition with his friend,i fell in love with him as soon as i saw him there,we talked all night.after,when we came home,we texted,we talked nonstop all day all night,and a month later we decided to meet each other in a anime convention.We were together always that day,and then i told him that i think he was nice and cute,thats where our 2 year relationship started,the worst time of my life.First 6 months were amazing,we were the IT couple in our friend circle.Everyone wanted love like ours.But after half a year everything changed,he and me started to be jealous,it was a hell to be honest.He told me that i cant see or talk with my male friends,then it was even with girl friends when he found out that i was bisexual.Then i said,if i cant then you cant either,thats where he started to act bad to me,he would intentionally flirt with other gils to make me jelly,or meet with them,he even cheated on me on my job,i was working in a shisha/hookah bar and he came there with a girl asking for service,and i gave them everything they wanted and acted professional.After that i went to meet him,and i was furious mad,so much that i slapped him.He didnt like that,and he returned it,and everything turned out into a huge fight in a central park where i live and no one wanted to help me.Everyone were watching him beating me up and i was trying to run away.Finally i ran away and few random people came up to me to ask me if i am okey cause i was covered in blood and then they helped me,bought me water,help me come home safe,and i was so happy that someone helped me.I broke up with him cause i realised that i was with him just cause i was used to be with him,there was no love after 6 months,but i was with him 2 years,just cause i was used to look at him,kiss him and because i swore to myself that i will find that one guy that i will love and i will give him myself (virginity) and just cause of that i was suffering all that stuff that a normal person in a healthy relationship shouldnt….Im so glad that i dont talk to any of my exes and that after i told a friend what happened to me she told me that i am normal,and that his jealousy got into him.It took me very long to get him over actually,to get to my head that i did hate him for what he did to me,and to realise i was used to him.But i am in a happy relationship right now,and i will tell you with who and how we got together,but before that,i need to tell you my other experiences,and there is a lot of them haha

MORAL OF THE STORY:your “love of your life” shouldnt make you choose,he/she cant tell you not to talk with someone.If its toxic relationship,just cut it,there will always be someone here for you.There is lots of fish in the sea like they say,there must be not one but more of them meant for you and you will find that person eventually.And in the mean while,you should relax and enjoy life,do something for yourself 🙂

I hope that i this helped someone that has any of these problems,remember never compromise your happiness for anything,you should be loved and you should love!So respect yourself as much as you can and everyone will respect you too.

Stay tuned guys cause i have soooo much material about this subject haha,short flings long terms,cheaters,and there is so many different types of people out there you cant even believe!

XoXo Dani ❤

The blog virginity​ has been taken

Hmm so here we go.

My first blog or anything public actually,here I will talk about my experiences in life,love and everything in between that that I think will be interesting to read.

Hope that someone will join my journey ❤

But I think that I will die alone with like 100 cats 😭

#gamerlife